we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
