Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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