Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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