it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
