im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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