Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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