You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
