in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
