you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
