im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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