That's when you crack a 10am beer
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
