I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
