Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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