the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
