dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Houston, we have a squirter
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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