How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
