Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
