I must be too annoying 4 u.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This house was built for laser tag.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
