Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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