its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize