Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
