I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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