mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
