I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
