that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
