Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
