I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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