Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
