..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
