So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
