Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
