how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
