Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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