first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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