talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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