Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
