OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize