I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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