oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
