But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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