i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
