I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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