So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
