I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
