I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hippo gnu deer
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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