Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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