She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
