i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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