Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
