The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Even my vagina gasped.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
