One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
