I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
