but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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