I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
