We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
