Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
