I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
