Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
