I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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