Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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