Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
