Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
