Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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