i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
