Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
