Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
