margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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