oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
