So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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